Parental Controls for iPad and iPod Don’t Filter Mature Apps

May 16

In an earlier post I chastised myself for failing to set up the parental controls for our family’s new iPad. My 6-year-old son had inadvertently opened up a screen in the app store offering a myriad of sex apps.

Lest you’ve never searched for the carnal apps, there are a lot.  Too many to count – for me anyways. I gave up counting after my iPhone listed 75 of them. They don’t interest me, and frankly, I’d rather they not interest my three sons either.

After said incident, I set up the parental controls for our iPad, which asks the user to define which age-based ratings I wish to to be accessed in the app store. Imagine my surprise when my 11-year-old announced that he’d somehow come across a page filled with sex apps again. I’d selected “Don’t allow apps rated 9 years +”

“Mom, I thought you set it up so we wouldn’t see these?” he asked.  Thankfully, my boys are no more interested in seeing them than I am.

Perplexed, I double checked the controls that I’d set up. Yep, all exactly as I’d remembered. So why were these kinds of programs popping up? Not to mention all the apps that celebrate gut explosions and machete wielding head chops. Wonderful games for young developing minds, no?

Then… Eureka! I realized that the settings only prevent kids aged nine and under from installing the apps. It didn’t prevent them from seeing them and reviewing the summaries.  For example, my 11-year-old son can read all about these enlightening apps:

Girl Sex Mistakes

Learn the 50 most common mistakes girls make in the bedroom. Great for girls looking to mend their ways or [sic] for the boys who love them! Your map to more satisfying sex. Download now!

Aw, how nice that my sons can learn at such a young age that girls are actually supposed to work at getting guys off . Gosh, it’s never to young too start messing up boys’ minds (or young girls’ minds for that matter.)

Sex Secrets

How to turn a woman on, satisfy her in a big way and get her to do the things you’ve always wanted! (the exclamation point is my own addition)

The main features of the applications are:

  • Women get turned on by a few major categories of things:
  • Did you notice anything missing from the list?
  • Anticipation
  • Stimulating her senses
  • The transition into sex
  • Women LOVE to be blindfolded

Again, so wonderful that my kids can learn this. Shouldn’t every child know that women LOVE to be blindfolded. My only conclusion to that bit of advice is that the creator of this app is exceedingly ugly, yet more exceedlingly rich.

Clearly, the parental control feature for the app store is useless. My kids are unable to install any apps, free or not, without my password anyway.

So, Apple I must ask… Why even bother? If you’re going to be responsible enough to provide the means for parents to protect their kids’ young minds and eyes, at the very least…

MAKE IT WORK.

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