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I tweet.  I facebook.  There… I admit it.  I am one of those. I also admit that both of these digital pastimes can become major time hogs in the life of a parent.  Not only because they foster an addiction (that non-tweeters cannot possibly understand), but the very nature of social media encourages users, like me, to fill those quiet snippets of time that pop up every day with status updates and scrolls through witticisms, links, and gripes by others.  Snippets of time that – in the olden days – would be spent in contemplation, reading (real paper), or watching your kid miss his second grounder in T-Ball.

How much of our lives are we, as parents, sacrificing for our digital updates?  For me, I’d say it’s not an insignificant amount. In fact, “Just a minute” has got to be among my children’s most-oft heard phrases to spew from my mouth, not too far behind “We have to go now!” and “Where are your shoes?”

Like our kids, we parents need to incorporate screen-free habits into our lives. Owning a smart phone makes this almost impossible as we grow evermore reliant on our funky apps and seem disturbingly curious about other people’s mundane lives.  Yet, taking a couple of hours out of every day to set the phone aside and leave the computer idle (maybe even OFF?)  forces a parent to be completely present to the family’s needs.  It also creates opportunity during the snippets of free time, when the dinner is simmering and the kids are busy, to do something other than reach for the phone.  Heck, you may decide join the kids for a while or sit at the piano and play a tune (no matter how bad it sounds). Maybe you’ll just sit in a chair and do absolutely nothing.  And if your son or daughter pops into the room to chitchat, you will not respond with “Just a minute.”  Sounds pretty nice, doesn’t it?

Do you remember when email first arrived on the internet scene? I know… It seems like a hundred years ago. Back in those pioneer days of the web, there was no shortage of people claiming they would never use that newfangled electronic mail. Why type a message when a perfectly good phone was so much easier?  Of course, as the world’s population migrated to the newest form of chitchat (and parents realized they were out of the loop of their grownup kids’ lives without it), the waves of naysayers dissipated.  Know anyone who doesn’t use email?

Social networking is not unlike the email revolution. Facebook is leading the charge as the newest form of online information sharing with an estimated 700 million users.  While another social sharing site may one day take its place, suffice to say that old fashioned email is losing some ground.

Whether the youngest members of the family have yet to join a social network or not, parents should brace themselves for the inevitable moment when the kids take their social life to the web. Or, more aptly – broadcast it to, uh, the world. With a minimum age of 13 years to join, Mom and Dad cannot expect the kids will ask permission to join once they hit their tweens.  It will happen. Best to become familiar with how it all works, then. Right?

“But I don’t care about finding all my old high school friends,” is what I hear from so many parents who are reluctant to join. That, I always tell them, is not worth worrying about.  Most of those keeners looking to reunite with old acquaintances have given up the search.  Facebook is more about staying connected with those who matter most -either in business, family, or community.  Kids are no exception.  They are joining the network in droves (often before turning 13 years old) – eager to keep up with their friends’ lives during those few hours when they’re not at school together.  The upside to this is your phone is always available!

Unfortunately, since any person with a Facebook page can “friend” your child, the number of people viewing his or her personal information could quickly multiply into the hundreds.  Unless you, as a parent, are comfortable with the possibility that your kid is over-sharing with some 30-year-old dude from Alabama who happens to love Black Ops as much as he does, it’s a good idea to know how the most popular social network works.  That means joining, yourself.

A general rule of thumb to follow is: the younger the child, the more involved the parent needs to be on his or her Facebook page.  Parents should absolutely “friend” their kids if they are below the minimum age limit.  That helps police any inappropriate postings on his or her wall, as well as ensures those “friends” are authentic buddies, not the dude from Alabama.  I’d personally recommend “friending” your child regardless of his or her age, but that’s something that each family needs to figure out on their own.

When my girlfriend checked out her 11-year-old daughter’s Facebook page recently, she noticed her daughter’s best friend had posted a highly sexual lyric from a Rihanna song on her wall.  Because my girlfriend has established rules around her daughter’s use of the network (including she cannot friend anyone without her mother’s permission), she was able to view this and hence, contact the girl’s father.  He had the post removed.  These kinds of things happen on Facebook.  Better to be aware of it and deal with it… then not know about it at all.

Lastly, if while reading this blog post you wonder ‘what does she mean by wall, or post, or friending?’ then take that as a huge hint that you need to join.  It’s the new lingo and if you want to be part of that conversation with your kids, you’d best get on board… Remember, you can always ignore friend requests from your old high school acquaintances.  But it’s  not such a great idea to ignore an important new part of your kids’ social life.  I can’t promise it’ll make your kids think you’re hip, but at least they’ll have a tougher time pulling the wool over your eyes.

The car radio is rarely turned on anymore.  With every other song pumping out lyrics about sex, I’ve had to intensify my parenting censor radar.  The newest cavalcade of young pop stars seem unable to restrain themselves. Listening to their songs, I can barely imagine them doing anything as mundane as buying groceries without tearing their clothes off and humping the cashier.  And, I can’t help but wonder if my kids will eventually come to believe that random sex is as regular an occurrence as folding laundry (the latter happening far more frequently in our household, by the way.)  I, however, prefer that my kids not be constantly bombarded by the idea that life revolves around sex.

I think, in some ways, my kids prefer to keep the music off.  It prevents them from having to endure one of my rants: “These pop stars have no class. All they care about is making money. Most of them have no talent to begin with…” Yeah, yeah, yeah  – irritating huh? I share similar words when we’re standing in a line-up and have to endure shots of one of the Kardashians (you know the one) with inflated breasts bulging from undersized bikini tops.  Thankfully, the television shows they watch are clean of sleaze, thanks to Family OnDemand and Parental Controls.  Music videos are outright banned unless I’m watching with them.

I find all this effort exhausting.  And still, I cannot prevent my three young boys from constantly being exposed to inappropriate content.  Parents certainly get no help from the celebrities. Rihanna (whose recent video depicts her murdering a rapist) tweeted: I’m a 23 year old rockstar with NO KIDS! What’s up with everybody wantin me to be a parent? I’m just a girl, I can only be your/our voice.

So, suddenly she’s too immature to be responsible for her behaviour? But, apparently, she’s woman enough to sing about masochism.  I’m confused.  While Lady Gaga and co. don’t seem to understand the concept that it takes a village to raise a child, thankfully governments are waking up the reality that parents are battling a Goliath of sexualization.

In Britain, a government commissioned report has condemned the over- commercialization and sexualization of children by calling on industry to make changes to support parents who want to block inappropriate products, television shows and Internet content.  It also asks advertisers and publishers to keep sexualized images out of the sight of children and has urged stores to refrain from selling ‘sexy’ children’s clothes (strangely, this is not a ‘no-brainer’).

The British Retail Consortium industry body has, in turn, published new guidelines suggesting stores stop selling clothes made with revealing fabrics and cuts or ‘sexy’ logos or underwear that could be seen as too grown-up, such as under-wired or black bras.

All concerned parents should commend this courageous act by the British government. It is a huge step in the right direction.  The U.S. needs to follow suit because, unfortunately, the bulk of the sexualization originates in their country via their big corporations, over-exposed celebrities, and of course, Hollywood.

Parents are working overtime to keep the bad influences out. But we could use a little help.

My kids have never asked to join Togetherville. Nor have they heard of What’s What or ScuttlePad. Have you? Probably not. They are all safe social networking sites created exclusively for the under-13 set. That is, an alternative to the much ballyhooed Facebook network.

However, chances are that if you have a child 10 years or older, he or she has asked at some point to join Facebook. You’ve either said “oh, all right” or “not a chance in hell” (the hell part under your breath because, of course, you don’t use such language in front of your child).  Considering that 7.5 million underage kids use the site already, chances are pretty good that you are one of the parents who said “oh, all right.”

So, why , one might ask, are there alternative kid-friendly sites?  Why? Why?

If you think I’m about to unleash a diatribe on the benefits of kid-appropriate social networking sites…You’re wrong. To those sites, I have to say: You cannot compete.

If your kid is begging for Abercrombie & Fitch and you keep buying her elasticized pants at Please Mum, she’s only going to keep begging to go to Abercrombie & Fitch. She won’t suddenly wake up one day and thank you for helping her realize the merits of elasticized pants. I don’t deny that the efforts of sites like Togetherville are noble and they look pretty darn cool, too.  But let’s be honest. Kids want to hang out where  the most kids hang out. Unfortunately for the online world, that happens to be a place where they’re not really supposed to be.

Anyone following this trend can’t help but come to the conclusion that eventually the world-famous social network will drop the under-13 restriction. Oh, wait… Mark Zuckerberg has just announced that this is exactly what he wishes to do! There is one thing standing in his way – the law.  The Children’s Online Protection Privacy Act (COPPA) states that websites that collect data on their users cannot sign on anyone under the age of 13 years.

Zuckerberg, however, believes this must change. The 27-year-old has professed his passion for education and believes that his network will enable much needed progress in educating our young. The university dropout and, thus far, childless single guy is obiously in tune with what today’s kids need. He stated:

Education is clearly the biggest thing that will drive how the economy improves over the long term…My philosophy is that for education you need to start at a really, really young age….

This cringe-worthy quote taken from a recent NewSchools Summit in California provides a clear indication that parents and teachers should not trust Mark Zuckerberg to lead educational reform any time soon. At least, I really, really think he shouldn’t.

On the other hand, he raises an important issue. With millions of kids under 13 already posting status updates on their wall, isn’t it time that we, as a society, accept that something needs to change? I, personally, do not advocate handcuffing 11-year-olds and charging their parents with bad decision-making skills (wouldn’t we all be in jail by now if that was the case?) for flouting internet laws.  Yet, something needs to be done to address the increasing number of young users joining the taboo network daily.

Zuckerberg’s cluelessness about parenting and children aside, he sees what too many adults are unwilling to see. Kids are hanging out on Facebook. So, let’s stop pretending it’s going to all go away one day. Let’s start looking at ways to make it safer. Now.

Today, I received a sad Facebook message from my cousin relaying news about a young family member. I am only sharing this to help all parents recognize that no child is completely immune to the traumatic effects of cyberbullying.

Here’s what the message said (names have been altered):

Dear Tracy:
I remembered you sent a message to Alison and John once about bullying. I just wanted to ask for your prayers. Alison has been cyberbullied and picked on and last night she tried to commit suicide. I am on my way to the hospital in Seattle to see her, they sent us home last night and we can only come during certain hours as she is getting therapy. Could you please ask family to pray for her. We almost didn’t get help in time. We need prayers. Alison is an honor student, a volunteer and an amazing girl. Bullying is bad just like you said. We need prayers, Alison feels so alone and helpless against the bullies that she wanted to not live. Please ask for prayers for her. Thanks you T, Mary

Of course, not every parent’s teenage child will react the same way, nor will every teenage child be bullied to the extreme as this girl was. However, that doesn’t change the reality that all parents should talk to their kids regularly about what’s going “down” on Facebook.

While chatting about the online social scene may not prevent tragedy, at the very least, it opens the door to honest discussions about how digital gossip may or may not be hurting your daughter or son… or whether your child’s actions are hurting others. The last thing we should be thinking is “it’ll never happen to my kid.”  Because it just might.

Consider these facts:

42% of kids have been bullied while online

53% of kids admit having been mean or hurtful to another person online

58% of kids have not told their parents or an adult about a hurtful incident that happened online

Statistics from i-Safe (2003-2004)