The car radio is rarely turned on anymore.  With every other song pumping out lyrics about sex, I’ve had to intensify my parenting censor radar.  The newest cavalcade of young pop stars seem unable to restrain themselves. Listening to their songs, I can barely imagine them doing anything as mundane as buying groceries without tearing their clothes off and humping the cashier.  And, I can’t help but wonder if my kids will eventually come to believe that random sex is as regular an occurrence as folding laundry (the latter happening far more frequently in our household, by the way.)  I, however, prefer that my kids not be constantly bombarded by the idea that life revolves around sex.

I think, in some ways, my kids prefer to keep the music off.  It prevents them from having to endure one of my rants: “These pop stars have no class. All they care about is making money. Most of them have no talent to begin with…” Yeah, yeah, yeah  – irritating huh? I share similar words when we’re standing in a line-up and have to endure shots of one of the Kardashians (you know the one) with inflated breasts bulging from undersized bikini tops.  Thankfully, the television shows they watch are clean of sleaze, thanks to Family OnDemand and Parental Controls.  Music videos are outright banned unless I’m watching with them.

I find all this effort exhausting.  And still, I cannot prevent my three young boys from constantly being exposed to inappropriate content.  Parents certainly get no help from the celebrities. Rihanna (whose recent video depicts her murdering a rapist) tweeted: I’m a 23 year old rockstar with NO KIDS! What’s up with everybody wantin me to be a parent? I’m just a girl, I can only be your/our voice.

So, suddenly she’s too immature to be responsible for her behaviour? But, apparently, she’s woman enough to sing about masochism.  I’m confused.  While Lady Gaga and co. don’t seem to understand the concept that it takes a village to raise a child, thankfully governments are waking up the reality that parents are battling a Goliath of sexualization.

In Britain, a government commissioned report has condemned the over- commercialization and sexualization of children by calling on industry to make changes to support parents who want to block inappropriate products, television shows and Internet content.  It also asks advertisers and publishers to keep sexualized images out of the sight of children and has urged stores to refrain from selling ‘sexy’ children’s clothes (strangely, this is not a ‘no-brainer’).

The British Retail Consortium industry body has, in turn, published new guidelines suggesting stores stop selling clothes made with revealing fabrics and cuts or ‘sexy’ logos or underwear that could be seen as too grown-up, such as under-wired or black bras.

All concerned parents should commend this courageous act by the British government. It is a huge step in the right direction.  The U.S. needs to follow suit because, unfortunately, the bulk of the sexualization originates in their country via their big corporations, over-exposed celebrities, and of course, Hollywood.

Parents are working overtime to keep the bad influences out. But we could use a little help.

My kids have never asked to join Togetherville. Nor have they heard of What’s What or ScuttlePad. Have you? Probably not. They are all safe social networking sites created exclusively for the under-13 set. That is, an alternative to the much ballyhooed Facebook network.

However, chances are that if you have a child 10 years or older, he or she has asked at some point to join Facebook. You’ve either said “oh, all right” or “not a chance in hell” (the hell part under your breath because, of course, you don’t use such language in front of your child).  Considering that 7.5 million underage kids use the site already, chances are pretty good that you are one of the parents who said “oh, all right.”

So, why , one might ask, are there alternative kid-friendly sites?  Why? Why?

If you think I’m about to unleash a diatribe on the benefits of kid-appropriate social networking sites…You’re wrong. To those sites, I have to say: You cannot compete.

If your kid is begging for Abercrombie & Fitch and you keep buying her elasticized pants at Please Mum, she’s only going to keep begging to go to Abercrombie & Fitch. She won’t suddenly wake up one day and thank you for helping her realize the merits of elasticized pants. I don’t deny that the efforts of sites like Togetherville are noble and they look pretty darn cool, too.  But let’s be honest. Kids want to hang out where  the most kids hang out. Unfortunately for the online world, that happens to be a place where they’re not really supposed to be.

Anyone following this trend can’t help but come to the conclusion that eventually the world-famous social network will drop the under-13 restriction. Oh, wait… Mark Zuckerberg has just announced that this is exactly what he wishes to do! There is one thing standing in his way – the law.  The Children’s Online Protection Privacy Act (COPPA) states that websites that collect data on their users cannot sign on anyone under the age of 13 years.

Zuckerberg, however, believes this must change. The 27-year-old has professed his passion for education and believes that his network will enable much needed progress in educating our young. The university dropout and, thus far, childless single guy is obiously in tune with what today’s kids need. He stated:

Education is clearly the biggest thing that will drive how the economy improves over the long term…My philosophy is that for education you need to start at a really, really young age….

This cringe-worthy quote taken from a recent NewSchools Summit in California provides a clear indication that parents and teachers should not trust Mark Zuckerberg to lead educational reform any time soon. At least, I really, really think he shouldn’t.

On the other hand, he raises an important issue. With millions of kids under 13 already posting status updates on their wall, isn’t it time that we, as a society, accept that something needs to change? I, personally, do not advocate handcuffing 11-year-olds and charging their parents with bad decision-making skills (wouldn’t we all be in jail by now if that was the case?) for flouting internet laws.  Yet, something needs to be done to address the increasing number of young users joining the taboo network daily.

Zuckerberg’s cluelessness about parenting and children aside, he sees what too many adults are unwilling to see. Kids are hanging out on Facebook. So, let’s stop pretending it’s going to all go away one day. Let’s start looking at ways to make it safer. Now.

Today, I received a sad Facebook message from my cousin relaying news about a young family member. I am only sharing this to help all parents recognize that no child is completely immune to the traumatic effects of cyberbullying.

Here’s what the message said (names have been altered):

Dear Tracy:
I remembered you sent a message to Alison and John once about bullying. I just wanted to ask for your prayers. Alison has been cyberbullied and picked on and last night she tried to commit suicide. I am on my way to the hospital in Seattle to see her, they sent us home last night and we can only come during certain hours as she is getting therapy. Could you please ask family to pray for her. We almost didn’t get help in time. We need prayers. Alison is an honor student, a volunteer and an amazing girl. Bullying is bad just like you said. We need prayers, Alison feels so alone and helpless against the bullies that she wanted to not live. Please ask for prayers for her. Thanks you T, Mary

Of course, not every parent’s teenage child will react the same way, nor will every teenage child be bullied to the extreme as this girl was. However, that doesn’t change the reality that all parents should talk to their kids regularly about what’s going “down” on Facebook.

While chatting about the online social scene may not prevent tragedy, at the very least, it opens the door to honest discussions about how digital gossip may or may not be hurting your daughter or son… or whether your child’s actions are hurting others. The last thing we should be thinking is “it’ll never happen to my kid.”  Because it just might.

Consider these facts:

42% of kids have been bullied while online

53% of kids admit having been mean or hurtful to another person online

58% of kids have not told their parents or an adult about a hurtful incident that happened online

Statistics from i-Safe (2003-2004)

Every day, approximately 20,000 underage Facebook users are booted off the network. The minimum age required to join the social network is 13 years old (not 18, as so many parents I meet believe). So how do so many underage users set up profiles? By lying, of course!

While breaking Facebook law is not illegal in a criminal sense, parents should consider the larger moral and personal safety implications that arise from encouraging a child to lie.

First, the moral angle:

Most of us toil to instill in our kids a sense of respect for rules. After all, there are household rules, school rules, don’t draw blood on your siblings rules, and general rules of decorum — like holding the door open for the person behind you (although it seems many adults don’t bother with that one, either).  Despite that annoyingly popular saying, rules are  meant to be broken, they actually are meant to be, um, followed. Especially when it comes to kids. How, then, is it okay to let a child lie about his or her age to join a site that is clearly geared toward adults?

While I believe that there are exceptions to telling the truth, I’m not convinced that Facebook is one of them. Thousands of parents obviously disagree with me given the multitudes of young’uns playing Farmville (or the soon to be released Ladygagaville – emphasis on the gag part).  However, if a child and parent are adamant that the network is essential to that young one’s happiness, then use that moment in which you type in “the lie” to discuss why Facebook is not meant for children and how underage users need to be extra careful when participating in it.

The personal safety angle:

Although there are a few added safety features for youth users (remember, though, Facebook assumes they are all at least 13 years old), your child is open to communicating with any one of the millions of adult users across the globe.  When I was growing up, I would have rather chewed chalk than consider an adult a “friend.”  With the social network, however, a friend is anyone who sends a request through cyberspace who you may have or may not have ever met in real life. All that stops your child and a stranger from becoming cyber-buddies is a single click. Facebook understands this, and that’s why they prefer that undiscerning kids keep out.

However, super-vigilant parents may be able to keep close tabs on their kids’ profiles. This requires time and energy that so many of us do not have. Kudos to the mama or papa who is on top of this.  I recently received a message from a random Facebook user telling me I’m cute and to check out her personal photos. First of all, ew. I deleted it immediately. Had I been a lot younger and filled with curiosity (as young kids tend to be), I’d probably have clicked on the link… just to see.  It’s moments like that one that make me grateful that my kids are still Facebook-free.  And if I see any of their sweet faces on the network, I’m so glad I can simply email Mark Zuckerberg’s people and they’ll take care of it pronto.

Source: dailytelegraph.com

Facebook has updated their safety features in an effort to combat cyber bullying. Parents can check out the updated Family Safety Center for basic information on how to keep their kids’ Facebook experience healthy and safe.  This is a useful guide to moms and dads who are new to the networking site.

Perhaps the biggest change to affect kids’ Facebook experience is the updated social reporting tool.  Here’s how it works:

1. A user – more likely a teen or tween – sees a photo posted on his wall that he finds offensive.  This is particularly an issue among kids whose photos are frequently posted without permission to embarrass or harass them.
2. The offended user can click on the photo and look to the bottom left. There, they can click on the word Report.
3. Select from various options that explain whether the photo includes the user in it or it is simply an offensive image, and select the reason that best explains why.
4. Choose to block, unfriend, or send a message to the person who posted it.
5. Lastly, the user has another option to alert a trusted authority figure or friend about the offensive photo to ask for help.

This is a step in the right direction, but will teens and tweens be comfortable sending an alert to a peer (who probably isn’t much of a friend) asking them to take down a nasty photo? My inkling is, not likely. Furthermore, will they send a message to a parent or teacher complaining of an embarrassing photo? Again, I’m not certain many kids would.  These are questions that parents need to ask themselves, or better yet, ask their children.

Certainly the new social reporting tool has the potential to help kids on Facebook, but only if parents and teachers explain how it works and encourage them to do so – even at the risk of feeling ashamed or embarrassed.  And, to a teen or tween, there aren’t many things worse than that.

The more time I spend on Facebook, the more this video rings true. I like to think I am NOT one of these stereotypes… Or am I?