I realize this will probably not be one of my more popular tips.  For many readers this may seem a painfully obvious, common sense, bit of advice.  Others, however, may want to kick me in the butt for suggesting it because their morning TV time is so entrenched in their family routine that giving it up would be like dropping a bomb that explodes into a cacophony of whining, crying, and arguing.

I get it.  I’ve been there, myself.  For years I let my kids watch TV as soon as they got out of bed.  It kept them quiet, amused, and allowed me to slowly wake up (with coffee in hand).  But the same, frustrating problem presented itself almost every day:  I had to negotiate (read: argue) with them over when the screen had to turn off.  The conversation went something like this:

“Turn the TV off.”

“Not yet, Mom!”

“You need to eat breakfast.”

“No. It’s almost over.”

“How much longer till it’s over?”

“Five more minutes.”

“You need to get ready for school.”

“Five more minutes.”

“I don’t have time for this! You need to get ready!”

“Please!  Mom! No!  No! Don’t turn it off!”

“There’s more than five minutes left! I’m turning it off.”

“Wait…”

“You’ll miss your bus…”

And so on, and so on.  It didn’t matter that they’d seen that particular episode of Franklin twenty times.

Sound familiar? Two years ago, I banned the television – and video games – from being turned on during school day mornings.  The fights are obsolete.  In fact, my kids have nothing better to do other than, um, get ready for school.  Go figure!  No more fights.  No more rushing to get out the door.  It’s all rather Zen-like in our household in the mornings.

This is, by far, the single biggest improvement I have experienced in our morning ritual.  The screen is a distraction – the ideal procrastination tool – preventing us from doing something more valuable with our time.  (For example: I used to sew in the evenings, now I watch Survivor).  By teaching kids to shut off the screen when they need to complete a task (like get ready for school) parents are helping them recognize the value of staying focused and the limitations of a distracted brain.

Who knows? They may even have time to make their beds and clear their breakfast dishes, leaving you more time to get the stuff done that you want to do (as long as it’s not turning on the Morning Show).

Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“I need to look something up on the internet.”  Ooooh, how I hate to hear these words from my kids.  Now that school is back in full swing, they’ll be throwing that at me more than ever.  My reactionary, old-school, protective impulse is to cry out: What’s wrong with the library?”  But no.  I must allow my children to learn using all these newfangled tools. In fact, I know that teachers are mandated to include online research opportunities for kids in their curriculum.

So I bite my tongue.  With the same trepidation that I allow my 11-year-old son to ride his bike to school, I have to let him and his younger brothers have some autonomy to travel online too.  In both cases, they’re likely to get a bit lost (today, said son rode in the opposite direction of the friend’s house to whom he was visiting. Yikes – glad I was there to set him straight!)

With some hands-on guidance I allow my boys to research inside the world wild web.  Here, however, are some useful tips that I follow to ensure they find the topic that they need, rather than a topic that will elicit broccoli choking questions at the dinner table:

• Start the topic search together, offering ideas as to what kinds of words will help them find what they’re looking for.  For example: don’t let them type in cougar if they’re doing a project on wild cats.
• Remind your child that Wikipedia is not the only source of information online and encourage them to find websites that are written in more kid-friendly language.  For example: National Geographic Kids and Yahooligans offer great info for students.
• Try different search engines. Google is great, but Bing and Yahoo will offer different results that may be more attuned to what they’re looking for.
• Remind your child to be specific in their search.  The more description they type in, the narrower the results will be.
• Consider your safety setting on the computer your child is using.  Is it set for children? Or is he or she using your personal laptop that has no filters?  You won’t want to leave him alone for long on a computer that does not censor its google results.
• Add a minus sign before a topic word to indicate that you do not want any search results that relate to that word.  For example, a search for Mars (the planet) should be followed by a -chocolate to prevent any results on the popular chocolate bar fro popping up.
• Remind your kids that there are a lot of things on the internet that are inappropriate for children – and adults, for that matter.  Tell them that you, as a parent, also have to be careful about what you search for online because there are images and pieces of information on the web that are not suitable for your viewing either.
• Encourage them to be critical of the source of the online information.  Is it a reliable source?  National Geographic Kids is going to be more reliable than Macsfavoriteanimals.com.

Of course, if the online sources fall short of expect ions, you can always visit the local library.  That’s my old-school self talking.

The kids' video game "cave"

There are various aspects about video games that irritate me, but the one that frustrates me most is their ability to create friction in our family.  While I have yet to personally experience that addictive tug that attaches one (for hours sometimes) to a video game, the effect is not lost on my three boys.

For anyone following my blog over the past six months, you may remember I implemented a video game ban in our household from Monday to Thursday during the school year.  Although not a popular decision among my kids, it helped prevent the daily battles over gaming and homework – the former always taking precedence with my kids over the latter.

With the school year back in full swing, the rule was freshly implemented.  Our first war over it took place two days ago when my 11-year-old son sparked up the Wii to play with his friend after school.  Um, remember that video game ban, son? My request to turn it off spiralled into mutterings about the “stupid rule” to angry accusations that I’m the meanest, strictest mom that he knew.  (I admit – I wavered between feeling proud and defensive about that title).  However, I did not budge from my decision, even as he berated me in front of his buddy.

The result? His friend was sent home (even though he’d only arrived ten minute earlier), my son was forced to sit in his room, and I was left stewing over the not so fabulous effect that video games have on family bonding.  Perhaps Nintendo or Microsoft might consider paying for family counselling to deal with our video game woes the way the Canadian government covers gambling addiction problems created by their casinos?

My story does, however, have a happy ending.  That very evening, my three boys asked to go to the local library.  By 8:30 pm, we’d returned home with a collection of 34 books that the kids had picked out.  Me thinks the trip to a library would never have transpired had the boys been playing Wii Wipe Out after dinner.

For my kids, screens are synonymous with “down time”.  They tend to grow giddy with excitement when I allow them to turn on a computer, iPhone, or Wii screen.  It’s time to play.  Further proof of their thinking is when I’m working on my laptop.  ”Why do you get to play on the computer?” they’ll ask accusingly.

“It’s work,” I’ll explain.  ”I’m working on my computer.  Mommy doesn’t play video games.”  The accusing child will eye me suspiciously.  He doesn’t believe it.  How can I not be having fun I’m in front of a computer screen?  Perhaps it is this kind of thinking that causes my insides to churn whenever they ask to play online.  I know their precious time will be wiled away watching cheesy YouTube videos or manipulating animated characters through some kind of race course.  Don’t they have something more useful to do with their brains? Like, say, perfect Beethoven’s Ode to Joy on the piano? Or read a book on the laws of physics?  I mean, I’ve read about kids who can do this stuff.  If my kids would only apply themselves to such worthy practices (and repress their desire to be video game junkies), they’d be so much further ahead in life.  At the very least, our whole family would have way better bragging rights.

That’s why I’m determined to teach my kids that the internet offers far more than video game thrills to the inquiring (or forcibly-inquiring) mind.  Because it really does.  My boys seem to believe that all the useful information provided online are relegated to a site called Wikipedia.  Not so.  That’s why I was so thrilled to learn about the incredible Khan Academy.  The brain child of MIT graduate educator Salman Khan, it started out as a small collection of math tutorials posted on YouTube for the benefit of his younger relatives and friends.  When the videos grew in popularity, he decided to quit his full-time job as a hedge fund analyst and focuses exclusively on providing “a free, world-class education to anyone, anywhere.”  Oh, and it has Bill Gates’ stamp of approval. (Isn’t that like the Oprah of technology?)

Today, Khan Academy boasts over 2,400 videos and 150 practice drills that cover topics ranging from mathematics to physics and finance to history.  And how does this apply to my kids?  you may be asking.  Simple… the drills and tutorials range from simple addition (for six-year-olds) to complex trigonometry (for someone smarter than me).  Kids can learn at their own pace and practice arithmetic problems until they’ve mastered that particular area.  In a typical school year, I often don’t know how well my kids understand their math chapter until the test comes home.  By then, there is little I, or the teacher, can do to remedy a bad mark this because it’s time to move on to the next chapter.  With Khan Academy, students graduate to the next level of arithmetic once they’ve “mastered” their current one.

An added bonus for the kids is that they get to spend time working on a computer (that’s right – WORKING), not playing.  In my household, any screen time is better than no screen time.  At the same time, they are exposed to the notion that digital devices can be used for productive purposes – not just entertainment.  And, heck, if they happen to find Khan Academy to be more fun than work, I’m not going to complain.

Do your own kids a favour.  Help them discover that there are myriad ways to use their digital time productively.  There is a mass of information to help young students achieve academic success on the internet – help them find it, use it, and appreciate it.

A new word has popped up in the English language that truly defines the digital culture in which we are now all living.  Sousveillance.  Unlike surveillance, in which we are watched by those from above (government, police), sousveillance is the monitoring of events by those “below” – that is, regular folks like you and me: Aunt Martha, a passing stranger, and that annoying kid from down the street that you’ve never really liked.

When cameras first came onto the scene, worries abounded over the likelihood that Big Brother would invade our personal space, forcing citizens to consider their every move lest they upset the powers above.  As it turns out, it’s the people surrounding us in our every day lives that have the greater capability to sully our reputations or applaud our heroics.  Admit it – you’ve nervously glanced around to ensure no one videotaped you tearing a strip off your eight-year-old.  (He deserved it, of course, but YouTube videos don’t typically offer context around their one-minute snippets).

I cringe when I see teenagers behaving badly in front of the camera.  I thought I behaved well back then, too.  I didn’t.  It wasn’t until I hit my mid-30′s and started raising my own kids that I fully understood how self-absorbed, overly emotional, and embarrassingly I behaved on occasion.  Thank God there is not a shred of proof.  Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for today’s kids.  Filmed mistakes will live for all of cyber-eternity for way too many of them (cue the sad-faced emoticon).

There is a teachable lesson here.  Teach kids responsible use of the camera.  I encourage my kids to make videos to their heart’s content.  After all, video is now one of the most celebrated forms of art whether it’s worthy of that accolade or not.  At the same time, I remind them to do so responsibly.  Does the video portray anyone in a negative light?  Is personal information exposed in the video that may put anyone in peril? Will the video destroy someone’s reputation?  Although my kids are still too young to truly understand some of these concepts, I believe the more I talk about responsible use of a camera, the more likely they’ll ask themselves these questions as they grow older.

On the flip side, my kids are reminded to monitor their actions when the camera lens is on them.  What may seem hilarious to a kid and his three buddies, can explode into an angry backlash by another (often much larger) audience.  Kids should ask themselves: Do they trust the person behind the camera?  Does he or she post every video onto YouTube the second it’s filmed?  Would he or she want thousands of strangers to see them behave this way? The great thing about acting like an ding-dong the odd time is that your few witnesses either forget about it over time or simply stop talking to you.  That’s not the case if it’s on video and reaches 331,457 views on YouTube.  Ouch.

I know I can’t prevent my kids from building a cyber-album of their journey through childhood to teenage-hood, but hopefully I can help them create one that is more flattering than embarrassing.  One in which they can look back at and laugh, rather than sob.

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Encourage Responsibility In Front of, and Behind, Camera

School officially starts today for my boys.  True to boy-form, my kids have no desire to re-enter their school.  Not the least of their reasons why include the return of my video game ban from Monday to Thursday, practicing their instruments daily, the end of peanut butter sandwiches, and being barked at by the school bus driver to sit down every morning and afternoon.

While I’m as ready as an egg on devil’s night for the kids to return to school, I empathize with them.  It’s not easy to transition from the carefree days of summer to those dedicated mostly to desk-sitting and teacher-listening.  Although my kids recognize there are some perks to returning to academia (friends, recess, new running shoes), they know a raw deal when they see it.

That’s why this time of year seems an ideal time to set resolutions for myself.  As my kids forge ahead into their new school year, with new responsibilities and the pressure to learn new things, earn good marks, and meet the teachers’  raised expectations of behaviour because “you’re one year older”, I will also set some standards that seemed way too much effort only a few days ago as I sipped Pinot Grigio on a cottage dock.

My resolutions (in no particular order of importance):

1. Be a cheerleader to my kids more often than a critic – even when their piano rendition of Ode to Joy makes me want to cry (from all the money I spend on lessons).
2. Learn all the cool things I can do with my new MacBook Pro so I can create better author visits, better blog pages, better videos, and be one of those cool Apple people that just seem to know more about technology than the rest of us.
3. Teach my kids all the cool things they can do with a Mac that will help them use technology creatively (or earn riches posting irritating, yet funny, videos on YouTube).
4. Create an amazing, interactive Author Visit presentation that keeps kids interested, yet inspires them to be creative (PLUG: if you haven’t bought my kids’ book yet, check it out here:  AWESOME BOOK.)
5. Update my blog at least twice per week and reach #50 of the top 50 tips by Christmas.
6. Keep up my querying and networking to find a commercial publisher for my book series.  (PLUG: see #4)
7. Start drafting a new book (Book #3 perhaps?).
8. Return to getting up painfully early in the morning to get a head start on my writing.
9. Stay on top of my kids’ digital know-how to ensure we maintain an open discussion on how it affects their lives (and to ensure I get to read all their emails without being forced to use underhanded means).
10. Return all my kids’  library books on time and use the money I save on fines to buy fancy Starbucks coffees.

If there’s one thing every regular Facebook user knows, it’s that Mark Zuckerberg likes change.  Facebook is constantly evolving to improve the experience of connecting with “friends” online.  And, generally, this is a good thing.  The downside, however, is that the options in the privacy settings change as well.  That’s why everyone – from parents to kids – should make it a habit of regularly updating their privacy options.

For recently joined members of Facebook (or those considering joining), setting up a comfortable level of privacy for online sharing should be an immediate priority.  When a new profile is set up, the network automatically determines who views your personal information, ranging from “Everyone” (who logs into Facebook) to “Friends Only”.

Better to create your own level of privacy than assume that Facebook has your back.  On several occasions over the past two years, I’ve been able to view photos of children who I do not know (or worse, inappropriately dressed photos of teenagers I DO know) because their settings permit “friends of friends” to view photos posted by friends.  So, even though it was Uncle Buck commenting on the cute picture of your two-year-old, his posse of 600 friends got to see it, as well.  Personally, I’d recommend eliminating any “friends of friends” options completely from personal privacy settings… Who ARE these people?

Thankfully, Facebook has made it extremely easy to review every privacy option and customize its level of visibility based on the labels: “Everyone”, “Friends of Friends”, “Friends Only”, or “Only Me”.  Simply click on ‘Account’ in the top right-hand corner and select ‘Privacy Settings’ from the drop down menu.  Here, you will be provided an overview of your settings.  Because these change constantly, be sure to customize them every few months.

Quick Tip: Disable the ‘Places I check into’ feature by clicking on ‘Customize Settings’.  If this is not disabled, the profile allows friends to ‘check’ you (or your kids who are on Facebook) into locations, thereby letting others (as in anyone) know where you are at that particular time.

After updating the privacy settings for ‘Sharing on Facebook’, click on the menu item above it: ‘Connecting on Facebook’.  Here, more options are provided.  I thought I’d updated everything, but after reviewing my settings recently I learned that ‘Everyone’ was able to view my current city and hometown.  I immediately changed it to ‘Friends Only’.

While this process may seem tedious, it really isn’t.  A proper update will take no more than five minutes and can make a huge difference in the safety of your kids’ (and your own) online experience.  Older kids won’t be so willing to allow a parent to hijack their profile page, so offer them a head’s up on what they should review next time they go onto the social network.  Give them the added incentive to do it by reminding them that stiffer privacy settings also discourage those nasty online hackers and scammers from hitting their profile pages.