Tip #11 Get to Know Facebook

Jun 29

Do you remember when email first arrived on the internet scene? I know… It seems like a hundred years ago. Back in those pioneer days of the web, there was no shortage of people claiming they would never use that newfangled electronic mail. Why type a message when a perfectly good phone was so much easier?  Of course, as the world’s population migrated to the newest form of chitchat (and parents realized they were out of the loop of their grownup kids’ lives without it), the waves of naysayers dissipated.  Know anyone who doesn’t use email?

Social networking is not unlike the email revolution. Facebook is leading the charge as the newest form of online information sharing with an estimated 700 million users.  While another social sharing site may one day take its place, suffice to say that old fashioned email is losing some ground.

Whether the youngest members of the family have yet to join a social network or not, parents should brace themselves for the inevitable moment when the kids take their social life to the web. Or, more aptly – broadcast it to, uh, the world. With a minimum age of 13 years to join, Mom and Dad cannot expect the kids will ask permission to join once they hit their tweens.  It will happen. Best to become familiar with how it all works, then. Right?

“But I don’t care about finding all my old high school friends,” is what I hear from so many parents who are reluctant to join. That, I always tell them, is not worth worrying about.  Most of those keeners looking to reunite with old acquaintances have given up the search.  Facebook is more about staying connected with those who matter most -either in business, family, or community.  Kids are no exception.  They are joining the network in droves (often before turning 13 years old) – eager to keep up with their friends’ lives during those few hours when they’re not at school together.  The upside to this is your phone is always available!

Unfortunately, since any person with a Facebook page can “friend” your child, the number of people viewing his or her personal information could quickly multiply into the hundreds.  Unless you, as a parent, are comfortable with the possibility that your kid is over-sharing with some 30-year-old dude from Alabama who happens to love Black Ops as much as he does, it’s a good idea to know how the most popular social network works.  That means joining, yourself.

A general rule of thumb to follow is: the younger the child, the more involved the parent needs to be on his or her Facebook page.  Parents should absolutely “friend” their kids if they are below the minimum age limit.  That helps police any inappropriate postings on his or her wall, as well as ensures those “friends” are authentic buddies, not the dude from Alabama.  I’d personally recommend “friending” your child regardless of his or her age, but that’s something that each family needs to figure out on their own.

When my girlfriend checked out her 11-year-old daughter’s Facebook page recently, she noticed her daughter’s best friend had posted a highly sexual lyric from a Rihanna song on her wall.  Because my girlfriend has established rules around her daughter’s use of the network (including she cannot friend anyone without her mother’s permission), she was able to view this and hence, contact the girl’s father.  He had the post removed.  These kinds of things happen on Facebook.  Better to be aware of it and deal with it… then not know about it at all.

Lastly, if while reading this blog post you wonder ‘what does she mean by wall, or post, or friending?’ then take that as a huge hint that you need to join.  It’s the new lingo and if you want to be part of that conversation with your kids, you’d best get on board… Remember, you can always ignore friend requests from your old high school acquaintances.  But it’s  not such a great idea to ignore an important new part of your kids’ social life.  I can’t promise it’ll make your kids think you’re hip, but at least they’ll have a tougher time pulling the wool over your eyes.

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Should Facebook’s Rules Change to Allow Kids?

May 23

My kids have never asked to join . Nor have they heard of or ScuttlePad. Have you? Probably not. They are all safe social networking sites created exclusively for the under-13 set. That is, an alternative to the much ballyhooed Facebook network.

However, chances are that if you have a child 10 years or older, he or she has asked at some point to join Facebook. You’ve either said “oh, all right” or “not a chance in hell” (the hell part under your breath because, of course, you don’t use such language in front of your child).  Considering that 7.5 million underage kids use the site already, chances are pretty good that you are one of the parents who said “oh, all right.”

So, why , one might ask, are there alternative kid-friendly sites?  Why? Why?

If you think I’m about to unleash a diatribe on the benefits of kid-appropriate social networking sites…You’re wrong. To those sites, I have to say: You cannot compete.

If your kid is begging for Abercrombie & Fitch and you keep buying her elasticized pants at Please Mum, she’s only going to keep begging to go to Abercrombie & Fitch. She won’t suddenly wake up one day and thank you for helping her realize the merits of elasticized pants. I don’t deny that the efforts of sites like Togetherville are noble and they look pretty darn cool, too.  But let’s be honest. Kids want to hang out where  the most kids hang out. Unfortunately for the online world, that happens to be a place where they’re not really supposed to be.

Anyone following this trend can’t help but come to the conclusion that eventually the world-famous social network will drop the under-13 restriction. Oh, wait… Mark Zuckerberg has just announced that this is exactly what he wishes to do! There is one thing standing in his way – the law.  The Children’s Online Protection Privacy Act (COPPA) states that websites that collect data on their users cannot sign on anyone under the age of 13 years.

Zuckerberg, however, believes this must change. The 27-year-old has professed his passion for education and believes that his network will enable much needed progress in educating our young. The university dropout and, thus far, childless single guy is obiously in tune with what today’s kids need. He stated:

Education is clearly the biggest thing that will drive how the economy improves over the long term…My philosophy is that for education you need to start at a really, really young age….

This cringe-worthy quote taken from a recent NewSchools Summit in California provides a clear indication that parents and teachers should not trust Mark Zuckerberg to lead educational reform any time soon. At least, I really, really think he shouldn’t.

On the other hand, he raises an important issue. With millions of kids under 13 already posting status updates on their wall, isn’t it time that we, as a society, accept that something needs to change? I, personally, do not advocate handcuffing 11-year-olds and charging their parents with bad decision-making skills (wouldn’t we all be in jail by now if that was the case?) for flouting internet laws.  Yet, something needs to be done to address the increasing number of young users joining the taboo network daily.

Zuckerberg’s cluelessness about parenting and children aside, he sees what too many adults are unwilling to see. Kids are hanging out on Facebook. So, let’s stop pretending it’s going to all go away one day. Let’s start looking at ways to make it safer. Now.

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Underage Facebook Users Get the Boot

May 13

Every day, approximately 20,000 underage Facebook users are booted off the network. The minimum age required to join the social network is 13 years old (not 18, as so many parents I meet believe). So how do so many underage users set up profiles? By lying, of course!

While breaking Facebook law is not illegal in a criminal sense, parents should consider the larger moral and personal safety implications that arise from encouraging a child to lie.

First, the moral angle:

Most of us toil to instill in our kids a sense of respect for rules. After all, there are household rules, school rules, don’t draw blood on your siblings rules, and general rules of decorum — like holding the door open for the person behind you (although it seems many adults don’t bother with that one, either).  Despite that annoyingly popular saying, rules are  meant to be broken, they actually are meant to be, um, followed. Especially when it comes to kids. How, then, is it okay to let a child lie about his or her age to join a site that is clearly geared toward adults?

While I believe that there are exceptions to telling the truth, I’m not convinced that Facebook is one of them. Thousands of parents obviously disagree with me given the multitudes of young’uns playing Farmville (or the soon to be released Ladygagaville – emphasis on the gag part).  However, if a child and parent are adamant that the network is essential to that young one’s happiness, then use that moment in which you type in “the lie” to discuss why Facebook is not meant for children and how underage users need to be extra careful when participating in it.

The personal safety angle:

Although there are a few added safety features for youth users (remember, though, Facebook assumes they are all at least 13 years old), your child is open to communicating with any one of the millions of adult users across the globe.  When I was growing up, I would have rather chewed chalk than consider an adult a “friend.”  With the social network, however, a friend is anyone who sends a request through cyberspace who you may have or may not have ever met in real life. All that stops your child and a stranger from becoming cyber-buddies is a single click. Facebook understands this, and that’s why they prefer that undiscerning kids keep out.

However, super-vigilant parents may be able to keep close tabs on their kids’ profiles. This requires time and energy that so many of us do not have. Kudos to the mama or papa who is on top of this.  I recently received a message from a random Facebook user telling me I’m cute and to check out her personal photos. First of all, ew. I deleted it immediately. Had I been a lot younger and filled with curiosity (as young kids tend to be), I’d probably have clicked on the link… just to see.  It’s moments like that one that make me grateful that my kids are still Facebook-free.  And if I see any of their sweet faces on the network, I’m so glad I can simply email Mark Zuckerberg’s people and they’ll take care of it pronto.

Source: dailytelegraph.com

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Will Kids Report on Other Kids on Facebook?

Apr 20

Facebook has updated their safety features in an effort to combat cyber bullying. Parents can check out the updated Family Safety Center for basic information on how to keep their kids’ Facebook experience healthy and safe.  This is a useful guide to moms and dads who are new to the networking site.

Perhaps the biggest change to affect kids’ Facebook experience is the updated social reporting tool.  Here’s how it works:

  1. A user – more likely a teen or tween – sees a photo posted on his wall that he finds offensive.  This is particularly an issue among kids whose photos are frequently posted without permission to embarrass or harass them.
  2. The offended user can click on the photo and look to the bottom left. There, they can click on the word Report.
  3. Select from various options that explain whether the photo includes the user in it or it is simply an offensive image, and select the reason that best explains why.
  4. Choose to block, unfriend, or send a message to the person who posted it.
  5. Lastly, the user has another option to alert a trusted authority figure or friend about the offensive photo to ask for help.

This is a step in the right direction, but will teens and tweens be comfortable sending an alert to a peer (who probably isn’t much of a friend) asking them to take down a nasty photo? My inkling is, not likely. Furthermore, will they send a message to a parent or teacher complaining of an embarrassing photo? Again, I’m not certain many kids would.  These are questions that parents need to ask themselves, or better yet, ask their children.

Certainly the new social reporting tool has the potential to help kids on Facebook, but only if parents and teachers explain how it works and encourage them to do so – even at the risk of feeling ashamed or embarrassed.  And, to a teen or tween, there aren’t many things worse than that.

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My Kid on Facebook?

Dec 13

My Kid on Facebook?

My ten year old son has been begging me to let him join Facebook.  As with most parents, my automatic response is No (Are you freaking crazy?)  After all, I worry enough about protecting him from dangers lurking in the physical world, expanding that concern to the virtual world seems downright terrifying. 

 “Everyone is doing it, Mom,” he claims (like I haven’t heard that one before!) 

Thankfully, by “everyone” he means a handful of kids in his class.  This is good for me.  It means that the peer pressure hasn’t reached the level of “gotta have it” intensity as other recent trends (think: Silly Bandz and skinny jeans.)  It means I have some time.  Time to do my own research into determining how much of the frenzy around Facebook privacy is warranted and how much is a result of paranoid, yet uninformed, parents.  

My first concern is my son’s age.  He is ten years old and the rules for Facebook state that members must be at least 13 years of age.  However, the rule cannot be enforced and therefore can be viewed more as a guideline for parents.  So, by allowing him to join Facebook, I am also encouraging him to lie about his age.  I’m not particularly comfortable with that (unless it means getting into a Disney Park for free.)

 My biggest concern, and likely one shared by every parent with access to the internet, is his privacy.  Thanks, in part, to Canada’s own privacy commissioner, Jennifer Stoddart, Facebook has vastly improved its security settings.  Parents can now set almost every component of a child’s Facebook page to “friends only” or “me only.”  Furthermore, the social network excludes all teen users from being found through search engines, adding an extra layer of security that is not provided to its older members. 

On the other hand, there are certain elements of a Facebook user’s profile that are always available to everyone on Facebook, no matter what the age.  These are:

  • Users’ name
  • Profile pictures
  • Gender, and
  • Networks they belong to

Hence, the need for Facebook to keep its rule to exclude members younger than 13 years old.

Why exactly does my son wish to join Facebook, anyways?  He’s really not all that “into” socializing at his age.  A little more digging, and I learn that his main reason for joining is to play games.  Ah, the dreaded “apps.”  Facebook took a licking recently when word got out that some of their most popular applications were sharing their users’ personal data with advertisers.  So, I am particularly paranoid about the games.  However, facebook has improved the privacy settings here, too.  Users can now set the most private selections for all applications, as well as within each individual app.  This is a relief, yet I wonder, does he really need another incentive to park his rear in front of a screen? 

“Places” is a lesser known feature of the network that allows a mobile device with GPS to indicate where the Facebook user is hanging out.  Just thinking that any number of strangers could know that my son is hanging out at the local Laser Planet has me breaking out in a sweat.  Thankfully, this service is NOT automatically turned on when joining the network, but can be activated if a friend tags another friend at a location.  To prevent this from occurring, parents can disable “Friends can check me in to Places.”  This whole concept just seems wrong to me, regardless of age, but especially for younger Facebook users.

The technical hiccups alone are almost enough reason to continue to say no to Facebook.  But if I can overcome those, there still remain the “social” decorum of online networking.    

My first rule will be to make me his very first “friend.”  After all, I need to know exactly who is friending him, and what is being posted on his page.  (But I’ll refrain from making embarrassing comments like, “Honey, I just washed all your underwear today.”)  A fellow mom-friend has allowed her 11 year old daughter to join Facebook as long as she does not “friend” anyone without her mother’s consent. 

The biggest challenge for any adult is teaching a child to be extra careful about what he posts online.  The internet has a memory that never, ever, ever fades.  While my son might think it funny to post a silly comment on his friend’s wall, if the wording is misinterpreted by another, he could find himself in a lot of trouble.  Is any ten-year old capable of thinking before speaking, or in this sense, typing?  I’m not sure. 

Research by Youth-Risk has indicated that for the majority of youth, online social networking is mostly a reflection of offline life.  So, if my son has a healthy social life at school, chances are his online life will remain healthy, too.  However, for a child who suffers social troubles at school, online social networks can amplify those problems very quickly and detrimentally.

“A user’s safety depends on the user as much as the site,” is what A Parents’ Guide to Facebook, by Anne Collier & Larry Magic, advises parents.  And when it comes to kids, the user needs a lot of parent back-up.

I’m not sure I’m ready to tackle the privacy challenges of Facebook right now.  Clearly, my son’s safety requires as much my effort as his.  And, once I say yes to the social network, it will be almost impossible to turn back (that Farmville can be addictive!)  For now, I’m going to follow Mark Zuckerberg’s advice and wait until my son is 13 years old.  I think the guy knows what he’s talking about.

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