My kids are just reaching the¬†stage where they are capable of helping out around the house.¬†¬†The oldest of my kids (now in grade three) can make his bed without much difficulty, brush his own teeth (if you don’t mind a little yellow), understand the difference between cleaning his room and stuffing everything under the bed, and can clear a plate without spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor (which sadly, is usually¬†still dirty from the night before.)¬† The younger two, while not quite as capable, are old enough to follow his lead and willing to work for anything that¬†promises¬†a reward.¬†

Allowances simply faded away, chore charts ripped down, treats eaten and then long forgotten.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve tried in vain to enforce regular duties for them.¬†¬†Rewards have ranged from¬†a weekly allowance to food bribery to sticker charts.¬† In the end, however, nothing ever stuck.¬† I’m as much to blame as my kids for our inability to stick it out.¬† My efforts too often fizzled after a couple of weeks when I would tire of my begging them to keep up the effort.¬† Allowances simply faded away, chore charts ripped down, treats eaten and then long forgotten.¬† Every once in a while, when my son was feeling the need to buy¬†himself a little something special, he would lament the disappearance of his allowance and ask what happened to it.¬†¬†I would reply with a sigh, what happened to making your bed?¬† We’d both shrug our shoulders and return to whatever we were doing.¬†

Many parents are against the whole allowance concept.¬† They claim that¬†it teaches children entitlement, rather than encourages them to appreciate¬†their¬†contribution as a natural part of the household community.¬† I understand that thinking, but I don’t buy it.¬† Maybe that’s because I hate to clean almost as much as my kids do.¬†¬†I wonder,¬†what’s wrong with motivating a child to do something that nobody enjoys doing?¬† They’re still learning the importance of doing their duty, and doing it well.¬† My main problem with allowance in our¬†house is¬†the degree to which they are actually earning their keep.¬† I have trouble doling out a few bucks every Sunday when I see little evidence that they did anything the preceding six days of the week.¬† Or worse, if I had to constantly remind them¬†to clean their rooms, clear their dishes, empty the recycle bin¬†- in ever increasing decibels.

I’ve finally created a chore schedule that works for our family – it really works.¬† With it, my kids earn an allowance based on what they’ve done throughout the week.¬† And, because cash in the hands of young’uns is consumed like chocolate on Halloween (they don’t remember how it went so fast, and are soon asking for more), they¬†pick an item that they’d like buy and its price becomes their earnings goal.¬† Once they’ve earned enough dollars, we go to the store.¬† Our latest purchase was a PC video game controller.¬† It took them about four weeks to earn it.

Here’s how it works.¬† One chart indicates exactly what chores are expected of each child and on what days of the week.¬† This is essential, as it prevents fighting over who did it yesterday or three days ago – everyone knows who has to do what, when.¬† So, Monday to Sunday are lined across the top and the chores are listed down the first column.¬† My oldest child’s name is in the most boxes because he is the most capable, next my middle child, and my youngest has only a few boxes.¬† Naturally, the eldest has the potential to earn the most money since he has the most duties to fulfill.¬† Here’s a pdf that you can look at to get an idea of how it works. I recommend creating your own in excel or word, but feel free to use this one, if you wish.¬† helpschedule

In addition, each child gets his or her own¬†Points Chart.¬† This will be printed off at the beginning of every week and keeps track of how many points each child earns.¬† Parents need not chase their child around the house to enforce the bedmaking rule.¬† If the bed’s not made, Julie gets no point (I use signatures in these boxes so that the most impish of my kids can’t fake a point.)¬† At the end of every week, the points are talllied and added onto the next week’s chart.¬† You need to determine how many stars equal a dollar.¬† In our household, they earn one dollar for every eight “signatures” earned.¬† No one’s getting rich, but it’s enough to keep a young boy motivated.¬† Here’s a pdf that shows how this chart will look for each child.¬† Again – I recommend creating your own chart, as each family has different chores depending on the age of children and just how much work is expected by the parents.¬†¬†pointschart¬†

I hang the charts up on a kitchen cupboard for them all to see.

I still nag my kids – if I could eliminate that with an easy-to-follow system, I’d sell it!¬†¬†After all, I can’t put every little thing they do on a chore chart (putting on your boots to go outside is a necessity, not a chance to earn money), and that inevitably leads to the nag cycle.¬† However, when I remind them that they won’t earn a signature if they don’t set the table that night, they’re quite willing to do what they have to do.¬† They often count their points to see how far along they’ve come toward attaining their financial goals (read: earn enough money to buy a new DS game.)¬† Just¬†don’t try to talk them into putting their hard-earned money into a savings account¬†- that’s a motivation killer.

Ever wonder why the marketers have so much power to sway your child’s preferences?¬† Well, watch this video and you’ll see for yourself.¬† It’s the perfect David versus Goliath scenario.¬† Mom and Dad’s voices cannot possibly compete with the omnipresence of a multibillion dollar investment in advertising and marketing research devoted to children.¬† The following video is quite long (about 10 minutes) but worth the time.¬†

What can parents do to offset the effects of advertising? 

1. Do not take part in marketing research of any kids. 
2. Help your kids understand that the advertisements they see have only one purpose in mind Рto make money.  Other than making a profit, they have no interest in the well-being of the children to whom they market. 
3. Voice your concerns, as a parent.  Visit this web site http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org  to stay apprised of what is happening in the advertising industry, and look for opportunities to sign petitions or write letters to corporations that you believe are undermining your job as a parent.

watch?v=Hi63rXnuWbw

When I hear one of my kids singing a commercial jingle, I cringe.¬† It’s not that I don’t enjoy their high pitched, bouncy voices; but rather, I resent the ease with which a giant corporation can brand their unblemished minds with a typically useless product.¬† As many parents can attest, a catchy tune and a few special effects is all it takes for a child to turn their glazed eyes toward Mom and Dad to plead, “Can I have it?”¬† Until the multi-million dollar marketing campaigns shift their power of persuasion to benefit, rather than burden, parents, the desire to shelter kids from advertising will persist.¬† In today’s age of the glowing screen, however, that effort is bound to grow more challenging.

Mobile phones have become the latest vehicle for product promotions

When my kids were toddlers, their TV viewing was limited to commercial-free stations, like TVO Kids, where advertisements are limited to a quick thank you to their sponsors.¬† As they’ve drifted away from The Wiggles and toward SpongeBob, the ban on ads is gone and kids are exposed to a slew of new toys and sugary cereals that they’d otherwise never know about.¬† Parents may take some solace in their children’s replacement of television with video games which have fewer, if any, commercial interruptions; however, advertisers have crept into those forums, as well.¬† In fact, the smallest, most personal screens – mobile phones – have become the latest vehicle for product promotions.¬†

According to a recent article in Advertising Age, companies like Kraft and Nike are offering interactive applications, such as dinner menu planning or ski reports, on mobile devices to better engage consumers with their top brands.¬† Rather than force-feed their audience an ad, they provide free online (logo-heavy) programs that conveniently integrate into recipients’ daily lives.¬† It’s an interesting concept and even die-hard anti-corporate crusaders will be hard pressed not to use a product if it makes their life easier. Parents should be concerned, however, that as more children join the population of mobile device owners, companies that sell children’s products will be salivating at the prospect of reaching them through those mini screens.¬† ¬†¬†

Advertisers are also likely to engage in tactics that are more intrusive and less welcome than the voluntary downloadable programs.¬† Last week, AT&T sent a large portion of their 75 million customers a text message promoting the season premier of the reality show, American Idol.¬† It’s sort of like having a telemarketer join your phone conversation with your spouse to let you know of a sale on ventilation cleaning.¬† It’s no wonder the backlash by its customers was swift and fierce.¬† However, this experimental effort by AT&T to promote its offerings via texting will likely become a regular occurrence as more companies discover the ease with which they can capture the eyes of millions of consumers.¬†

It’s a shame there are no profits to be earned by encouraging children to be more obliging of their parents’ requests.¬† Every kid in North America would be getting a mobile device for his next birthday if that were the case.¬† But that’s the stuff of fairytales.¬† In reality, parents who want to limit the forces competing for their children’s hearts and minds may want to dim some of the screens in their lives.¬† One added benefit?¬† Fewer targets on your wallet.

“Mom, can I play computer?”¬† It’s a plea iterated in thousands of North American households every day.¬† How parents answer this question is as varied as the children themselves – from strict time limits to a free-for-all.¬† Yet as children morph into teenagers, parental control over the internet wanes, barriers evaporate, and the digital world becomes more streamlined into the everyday lives of young adults.¬† Like it or not, new media is as ubiquitous in today’s youth culture as rock ‚Äòn’ roll was to the Boomer’s.¬†

A recent study on youth and media by the University of Southern California and University of California, Berkeley (considered America’s most extensive study ever) advises parents to embrace, rather than resent, the increasing role that the internet plays in their children’s lives.¬†

The researchers identify two distinct ways that youths use the internet: friendship-driven and interest-driven.¬† The former is the more popular reason for going online, motivated by teens’ desire to “hang out” with their buddies.¬† Through social networks like My Space and Facebook, text messaging, playing video games with friends, and surfing online together, they do what young people have done for generations before them – talk gossip, music, movies, and anything else deemed too cool for adults.¬† In this context, adults who try to open the door and peer in can expect a “Do Not Enter” sign.¬† And, given the growing use of hand-held digital devices, a diminished influence on teenagers’ use of such technology is certain.¬†¬† ¬†¬†¬†¬†

Behaviour of young people is¬†evolving at a slower rate than technology because of resilient social and cultural structures of youth’s everyday lives.

Naturally, many parents are apprehensive about the negative effects of the internet on their children given their inability to monitor possible exposure to a digital world rife with violence and sex – not to mention, plain bad advice.¬† Add to that the concern that screen time is replacing other valuable pastimes, such as playing sports, enjoying the outdoors, and reading books.¬† These fears, however warranted, are not addressed in the study.¬† The researchers admit, however, that the behaviour of young people is not keeping pace with the rapid technological change.¬† That is, they are evolving at a much slower rate because of “resilient social and cultural structures that youth inhabit in diverse ways in their everyday lives.”

Youths are far less motivated to go online for interest-driven purposes.¬† Not surprisingly, parents are more comfortable with kids using the internet for academic or personal research than for posting videos from their latest party on YouTube.¬† Furthermore, kids tend to lift the “no adults” rule when they are online for this purpose – although they are still more motivated to learn from peers than older folks.¬† That may be because youths are more likely to seek expertise on new media technologies, such as video editing and online gaming, than more traditional subjects.¬† In other words, if young Sally wants to be a brain surgeon, she’ll be spending more time buried in books than staring at a screen.¬†

The study lauds the internet for encouraging “self-directed learning” among young people today – unlike a traditional classroom setting where goals are set by teachers.¬† As digital technology evolves, researchers suggest educators and parents can have a growing influence in how youths navigate the digital world by exploring ways to incorporate their own knowledge and expertise into this burgeoning technology.¬†

Authors of the California study warn parents that “technical barriers, or time limits on use are blunt instruments” that are perceived by youth as “raw and ill-informed exercises of power.”¬† That teenagers want more power to do as they wish is nothing new, and the researchers clearly show their lack of knowledge about raising a family within which structure and rules are paramount to ensuring children grow up healthy, safe, and well-equipped for adulthood.¬† Yet, the study makes a strong argument for parents to accept that online time provides their children with skills essential for thriving in our digital society.

As the role of technology gains importance in our lives, instilling age-old qualities, such as critical thinking, conscientiousness, and desire to learn are still as necessary as ever – if not more so.¬† And thankfully, they are taught the good old fashioned way – through human interaction.¬† Chances are, if you’re teaching these values to your kids, the computer will be an essential and useful vehicle in their life journey… but not the compass.

Those cheery, toe-tapping Christmas carols can sure put a swing in your step and¬†a lift¬†to¬†your spirit.¬† Crank up the volume of¬†Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and let the perky words dance from your lips… Had a very shiny no-o-ose…¬†¬†I mean, isn’t that the point of these tunes?¬† They are to remind of us of the joys of the season, or (dare I say it?) contemplate the¬†birth of¬†the world’s Saviour, Jesus Christ.¬†¬†At least, that was their raison d’etre before Happy Holidays¬†became the preferred Christmas greeting and¬†when Advent¬†was actually a four week period of prayer and meditation – not a¬†chocolate-filled December calendar with a picture of Spiderman¬†swinging across it.¬†

Don’t get me wrong.¬† I love Christmas.¬† But by the time December arrives, those wonderful carols have been rolling around in my head like an old orange in the refrigerator drawer that no one bothers to eat.¬† They are played so continuously that¬†they’ve grown stale and tasteless by December 25th.¬† Not to mention, in the effort to provide variety, shoppers are forced to hear every horrible rendition recorded of every song that pertains to a snowy time of year (please… lose the Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey duets!)¬† On top of this, parents must scurry to toy stores and electronics shops to buy the dream¬†items on their children’s lists – thank goodness Santa graciously provides one of them (wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)¬† Is it any wonder, then, that so many of us find December the busiest time of year, and perhaps even the most stressful?¬†

Which brings us back to the basics of the Season … prayer and meditation.¬† Church leaders try to preach over the kaching-kaching of cash registers and woo us away from long line-ups and busy parking lots with calls to shun the materialism of Christmas.¬† Few can argue their point.¬† However, unless they’re willing to hang out on Christmas morning and wipe the tears off your children’s cheeks when you tell them that “this year, Mommy and Daddy decided to shun materialism”, the shopping malls will be a favoured destination.¬†

A simple way to break from the broken record of Christmas carols and ease the mind numbing effects of dollar, barbie, and action figures is to listen to classical music.¬† Seriously.¬† There are no annoying lyrics to interrupt your thought processes, no mispronouncing of words in songs.¬† And, although one could just listen to the usual Top 40,¬†tapping¬†your toe to¬†”Womanizer, womanizer, you’re a womanizer…” isn’t exactly conducive to finding your Christmas spirit, either.¬† It’s easier than reciting a litany of prayers, and certainly less effort than sitting cross-legged¬†and repeating a mantra for twenty-five minutes.¬† Just close your eyes, relax, and appreciate the genius of the world’s greatest composers.¬† And then, when December 25th hits, throw in a Christmas CD and sing your heart out!

Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony¬†

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkTKb79RbOI

photo from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/