I don’t know if I can stand to see another teenager proclaim his undying desire to achieve his lifetime dream.  Whether it’s a sixteen year old dancing phenom (I’ve worked sooo hard to get to this point in my life) or the newest American Idol reject (I still believe in my dreams!  And I’m going to make it one day!), they all believe that if they dream it enough, it will come true.  Isn’t it time that someone with a good sense of realism  let all these folks in on the truth?  That there’s not enough dreams to go around.  That not everyone can be a star. 

I know, I know.  I’m a real grump.  What kind of mom am I to be deflating the aspirations of kids?  Well, it’s not that I don’t believe in the pursuit of dreams and aspirations.  I encourage every child (including my own) to do what they want to do in life.  However, I discourage the particular wish to be a “Star.”  I tell my kids that the most important goal in their lives should be to try to be good people and make the world a better place.  (That other stuff about going to university and maybe medical school is thrown out there once in a while, too.)  Whereas I believe the quest for fame, at all costs, leaves little room for a child or teen to develop, well, empathy.  After all, when the goal in life is about Me, Me, Me, how does one find time for You, or You, or You?

Consider the latest research by the University of Michigan that finds today’s college kids are not as empathetic as college students from the 1980s and ’90s.  In fact, they’re about 40 percent lower in empathy than those attending college 20 or 30 years ago.  “Many people see the current group of college students—sometimes called ‘Generation Me’—as one of the most self-centered, narcissistic, competitive, confident and individualistic in recent history,” said Konrath, who is also affiliated with the University of Rochester Department of Psychiatry.

While there is no hard data to prove what has caused the drop in empathy, researchers have some suggestions:

• This generation has grown up with the highest amount of media exposure, including violent video games, and a growing body of research confirms that exposure to violent media numbs people to the pain of others.
• The rise in social media outlets, such as Facebook, might encourage people to tune out to other people’s problems when they don’t feel like responding and that could carry over to offline experiences.
• The exposure to today’s hypercompetitive measurement of success, exacerbated by “reality shows”, does not lend itself to the pleasure of taking things slow and listening to someone who needs sympathy.

The other day I was talking to my twenty year old nephew about what it takes to achieve one’s dreams.  “If you work hard enough you’ll be as successful as you want to be,” he said. 

“Yes that’s true you need to work hard,” I agreed, “But sometimes, all the work in the world won’t bring that super high level of success you dream about.  But that’s okay.  That’s life.”